Face To Face ( marriage series week 5)

There we stood in the middle of our life, caught up in the undertow of our past, struggling to make sense of the present. God was giving us hope for the future.
We both came through this life collecting things that we had learned. Some things were taught to us by our parents, other things were from generations long ago from people we had never met before.
We came from two different worlds, together we needed to sort through everything and allow God to show us the way out of the mess we were living in.
Tony was an only child, raised by his mother and step father. Lessons of love and life seemed to go untaught. His family was quiet and rarely spoke even if they were all in the same room. Things were often swept under the rug as a means of moving on. This was their normal.
I was raised by a father who was abusive, he controlled everything about my life. He was a master manipulator and a deceiver at best. We had big family secrets and were taught to be quiet, never to tell of things done in the dark.

My life was held captive by the skeletons that hung quietly in my closet. My suppressed anger had begun to roar its ugly head and I could no longer tame it. I wanted to have a great family, I was in love with my husband  but my past was now haunting me, my rage consuming me. My dreams were lying in a heap in front of me and the lies of my childhood began to rule my thoughts. “You’re not good enough, not pretty enough,and you will never amount to anything.”
It didn’t matter how hard I tried to work on myself and my marriage, as long as I continued to hide  behind the veils of lies, I could never be set free.
When life hits you hard and the unexpected is now sitting in front of you, you tend to react  in ways you never thought you would. The old habits that you thought you got rid of, appear again creating more damage if you are not careful.
Tony realized that to live in isolation made him a sure target for the enemy to capture him.
We were both wounded and causing more wounds.
It was time to step out from behind the veil of darkness and into the light.
John 12:46 (NLT) “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the darkness.”
Tony and I came face to face with the truth about our marriage.
The choice was obvious but terrifying.
It was time to tell the truth about the things in our lives and choose to trust that God would bring healing, or remain quiet for the sake of our pride and fear of judgment from eyes watching, and end in divorce.
There is a lot of shame that covers the topic of pornography. The enemy is relentless in the lies he speaks to men and woman.
Anger seems so be more acceptable. We blame others for why we are angry, but it is sin and we are responsible for how we respond.
It takes the power of the living God to overcome any sin no matter what you title it. It takes being honest and allowing the darkness in your heart to come to the light.
You must be willing to talk about it.
James 5:16 (NLT) “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
Find someone who will pray for you and be there for you to help hold you accountable. No matter what we are struggling with, we were never meant to do life alone.”
Luke 1:37 (NLT)  “For nothing is impossible with God.”
As harmless as pornography may seem, the devastation wears on the lives of families all across our world.
Men and woman are held hostage in a world that goes against the natural way God created a man and a woman to be.
There is so much to know about this silent drug that will destroy a human life in more ways than you can imagine.
1. Pornography  isolates a human being. You no longer yearn for intimacy with the one you love, you now begin to run after someone and something that doesn’t exist.
2. Pornography is addictive, it beings to change your brain chemistry. Like any drug, you crave more and more but you are never satisfied, leaving you feeling empty and alone.
3. Pornography will ruin your sex life and hurt your partner deeply. It breeds false intimacy and drives you so far apart. It just might be the problem in your marriage bed.
4. Pornography is an absolute LIE.
This is just a peek into the world of pornography and how it does affect lives. Below are a few websites to help you gain knowledge into the world you might have thought was harmless.
Both Tony and I have used some of these resources below and have attended counseling, as well as recovery groups.
http://www.puredesire.org (503-489-0230)
http://www.glowingcounceling.com (303-399-2314)
celebrate recovery : Pastor Mark and Sue Peterman(808) 677-8844 ext.7000.  Inspire Church 94 Lumiaina street.  Waipahu, Hawaii 96797
Resource books: An affair of the mind – by Laurie Hall,  Beyond betrayal – Diane Roberts, Pure Desire – Dr. Ted Roberts, Sexy Christian – Dr. Ted Roberts
Maybe this post does not apply to you at all, that is a victory and joy to my heart. However if you know someone struggling, please be brave enough to share this.
If you find yourself or the one you love going  down this road, please get help. I am passionate about seeing families saved, lives healed and marriages restored. You can send me an email at bythesea.jamie@gmail.com I would love to answer any questions  you may have and pray with you.
The first step is always the hardest. There is no judgment here.
Praying for you to be set free in Jesus name,

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