A First Time For Everything (Marriage Series: week 2)

1985 oklahome

The first year of marriage came with a lot of first-time things for us. Like our first kiss, our first airplane ride, the first time we walked on the beach hand in hand and our first real fight.

I remember it well. There we were two people in love and in a disagreement over where we were going to live, a fight began. I didn’t like the way he spoke to me and he didn’t like that I wasn’t going to agree with everything he said. Honestly, I remember thinking, “I don’t like this.”

We really had no idea what we were doing. It was like one part of me was living in a made up fantasy and the other part (reality) was trying to figure out how to walk this path. The fight was quickly resolved and life as we knew it moved on. I swore we would never fight again. I hated the way I felt and hated the distance it  put between us.

The decisions you make as a couple are really part of the journey, and learning to agree or agree to disagree takes God, humility, and maturity. The first year swiftly moved past. It felt like we were on a boat that was always rocking. Some days I feared we would simply tip over.

We laughed together often and spent many nights talking until we feel asleep. We prayed together as we sat over coffee and talked about our hopes and dreams. I tried to count every time we fought hoping it wouldn’t amount too much. I didn’t want to be like my parents who fought all the time. I was bound and determined to make it different.

We were getting to know each other and I told myself, it was part of  how marriage goes.

One thing you can count on in marriage is that eventually you will see your true self. Tony was laid back, easy-going but when he wanted something he did it no matter the cost. I was fearful, a clean freak, and eventually became controlling. Through God’s grace we always came back to each other and apologized. We were learning to make our life work.  But our ideas and our truths based on our upbringing and the things we told ourselves, got in the way of a God-centered marriage.

To be married God’s way, means taking all of your ideas of marriage and surrendering it at the cross. God designed marriage, so that means he made the blue print of how it would work. When I got married I was convinced I knew what to do and how to do it. “Boy was I wrong.”

But surrender didn’t come until years later.

If you find yourself at the beginning of this journey called marriage or you’re  in the middle experiencing some rough waters,  I encourage you to take some time for a heart check between you and God.  There are two ways to be married, your way or God’s way. You might think you’re doing it God’s way but if the fruit in your marriage is nothing more than sour grapes or spoiled mangos then it’s time to take a closer look at what’s in your heart.

As long as Tony and I met each others wants and needs with earthly things there seemed to be some sort of false calm. The storm would go away and we would be back in love until the next time either of us needed a fix of some thing to help make life happy. We cycled the course of life this way for years, and with it destruction followed.

Our lives were created to please God, not man. 2 Corinthians 5:15 -He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves, instead they would live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

A big downfall was taking scripture out of context and using them as weapons in our marriage, we became quite good at it.

It’s hard to admit when we have done things wrong because pride rises up with a vengeance and demands it’s right of being right. I remember Tony would tell me “You need to submit.” (Oh how I hated the “S” word)   I would retaliate back, “You need to love me!”  Oh and they did not live happily ever after.

If marriage was designed to make us more like Jesus. Are you any closer to being holy?

I was so far from being like Jesus, it would have been better for me to have laid low than to stand up on my soap box and proclaim something I was not living.

“Let your walk ,talk not your talk, talk. Remember when you walk and you talk, your walk, talks the loudest.” A simple song I learned in Sunday school but never applied it to my life then.

So what’s your biggest struggle in your marriage?

Are you willing to look deep inside yourself?

Are you willing to take accountability for your actions?

Father God,

You are Holy,  you call us to be like you. I pray for every marriage out there that senses your nudge in their lives. Bring us your conviction of how we are to live. Forgive us for being prideful, selfish, mean, and disobedient.  Father, would you draw us to you and breathe your life into our marriages so that we become a living testimony of  what it means to be like you. I pray that every husband would search your word for the truth. You have called a man to love a woman so much that he would give his life up for her, just like Jesus did. God he cannot do that without you. I pray for every woman who calls herself daughter of the king. Show her that it is through you, she can walk with a gentle and quiet spirit over flowing love that honors her husband. I pray that we  bring all of our ideas  concerning marriage and lay it at the cross in exchange for your truth. Help us to make you our consuming passion, not each other. Give us the courage to die to ourselves daily so that we can pour your love out to our spouse, In Jesus Holy name I pray. Amen

Let His Love Take You Deeper.

Praying for you,

~ Jamie



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